Better Excuses for Speeding Than Needing to Use the Bathroom

Better Excuses for Speeding Than Needing to Use the Bathroom

Police officers stopping motorists hear it all—every excuse in the book. Some of them are so absurd that you want to laugh. But it is mandatory to keep a straight face. Law enforcement cares about conduct on the road and some types of behavior are out of line.

While road rage is the worst culprit for accidents, speeding is equally destructive. We are all about communicating the need to improve driving and learn how to do it according to the rules. Then these poor officers won’t have to hear things like, “I had to go to the john” or “Mother Nature was calling” or “My bladder is about to burst.”

Any mention of having to go or toilets always gets a laugh. We all relate to the universal experience. As kids, our parents had to disguise the process with silly words like “potty” or “number two.” The old-time jokes still engender a roar. A whole lot of people keep a book of bathroom humor lying around in the favorite room of the house. Here are some excerpts:

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hills? It wanted to reach the bottom.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.

(Are you laughing yet? If these won’t due, there are thousands more.)

What is a bathroom superhero called? Flush Gordon.

What would you find in Superman’s bathroom? A superbowl.

And for the kids:

What do you call a fairy using the toilet? Stinker bell.

What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.

I can go on. The internet is loaded with similar stuff, but you get the point. The world is preoccupied with doing one’s business and pee pee caca jokes. No one is immune to a bowl full of laughs. Make some up, write a book and earn a bundle. Maybe talk about the most primitive toilet you ever saw (mine was in Russia in the floor) or worst outside venue.

If you run out of steam, here are some books to consult for inspiration:

The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever by Michael Ryan

Toilet Tales: Hilarious, Embarrassing, True Stories of Bathroom Humor by Ryan Jacobson and Chantel Wiskur

Porcelain Travels: Humor, Horror and Revelation in, on and around Toilets, Tubs and Showers by Matthew Felix

The Toilet Papers: a collection of humor, horror & historical shorts (Places to Go, While you Go) by Jaimie Engle

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